When you’re supporting someone’s development, whether as a coach, supervisor, mentor or manager, there often comes a moment when you wonder: I know about this – should I say something?
For example, Alex recently asked in supervision: “What should I do? My client turns up late to every session.” It would have been easy to list strategies such as setting firmer boundaries, cutting the session short or raising it directly with the client. Instead, I asked, “If your client did arrive on time, what difference would that make to the work you’re doing together?” Alex paused and said, “We could contract properly at the start, stay focused on the agenda she cares about and still have time to notice progress and design next steps.” By resisting the temptation to jump in with advice, space opened up for Alex to find his own way forward.
If you’re wondering “Yes, but what does he actually do next time his client turns up late?” that is what we went on to explore, and of course Alex had plenty of ideas when given the time to reflect and discuss.
As SF practitioners, we are less sage on the stage and more guide on the side. We hold space for clients to do their best thinking while we notice carefully when our input might genuinely add value.
Some useful checks when we feel the urge to share wisdom:
What’s the purpose of offering this?
A quick sense-check that shifts the focus back to what will be most useful.
Am I about to say this because it’s easier for me than staying curious?
It can feel efficient to answer, but pausing to stay curious often generates richer possibilities.
Have I really tuned in to what they want from me right now?
Sometimes people ask for advice when what they really want is reassurance, a sounding board or simply space to think aloud.